Sex and the Church — Teaching abstinence in a world awash with sex

It seems everyone wants to talk about abstinence. Inevitably, though, there is rarely agreement on what it means.

Whenever I conduct teen sexuality education, I distribute to parents a list of human sexual behaviors. I ask the parents how they would describe it if their child were to remain abstinent. I ask them to put a check mark by behaviors that fit that description and an X by those that do not.

The results are astonishing. Rarely is there more than 50% to 60% agreement on what truly defines abstinence. If sexually mature adults can’t define the term, how on earth do we expect our teens to do so?

As a Christian clergyman, I wholly embrace that God created us as sexual beings with the sacred intent of mutual love and intimacy. I also agree that the only sure way to prevent sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and unintended pregnancies is abstinence from intercourse.

I don’t doubt that most parents would like their children to remain abstinent. But I also know that it is our moral imperative to provide for the spiritual, emotional and physical well being of our young people.

HIV/AIDS, teenage pregnancy, STDs, high suicide rates among gay and lesbian teens, and date rape are disturbing realities. As people of faith charged with caring for the least in society, we cannot allow pop culture, the media and our children’s peers to be the major sources of information about sexuality. Nor can we rely on silence, unrealistic rules and pat answers.

If sexually mature adults can’t define the term, how on earth do we expect our teens to do so?

For over ten years, the U.S. federal government has poured more than $1.5 billion into abstinence-only programs. These programs have been medically and scientifically studied and repeatedly shown to be ineffective. The programs neither delay teen sexual activity nor reduce pregnancy rates or STDs. Program guidelines explicitly prohibit any discussion of contraceptives, except for failure rates.

The Kaiser Family Foundation repored in its 2005 U.S. Teen Sexual Activity study that, despite the federal government’s abstinence-only programs:

• Each year, there are 750,000 teen pregnancies, 82% of which are unintended;
• 31% of young women become pregnant at least once before the age of 20; and
• Each year, 9 million teens and young adults acquire an STD.

A world awash with sex

When was the last time you heard a rip-roaring sermon by your pastor from the “Song of Solomon” on a Sunday morning, much less heard anyone utter the word “sex” in a Christian education class? Growing up in the Southern Baptist Church, I can sum up my sexuality education in one sentence, “Sex is dirty, save it for someone you love.”

Sex is dirty, save it for someone you love.

The church might be suffering from a severe case of sexphobia, but our society certainly is not! According to the A.C. Nielsen Co., the television is on nearly seven hours each day in an average U.S. home. If you couple this with the Kaiser Family Foundation finding that 70% of all television shows include sexual content, we have a lot of young children being exposed to sex before they enter kindergarten.

Not so long ago, television shows had married couples in separate beds. Now, shows like Gossip Girls have teens “hooking up.” Only loser kids are not “getting any.” I could fill this entire essay on the sexual perils our young people face on the Internet. Advertisers and media mavens know sex sells.

To quote new, single, teenage-mother Bristol Palin: “But I think abstinence is, like, like, the – I don't know how to put it – like, the main – everyone should be abstinent or whatever – but it's not realistic at all … Because [sex’s] more and more accepted now."

How did you learn about sex?

Last year, the Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice (RCRC) put out a request : "Tell us your story: How did you learn about sex?" We received well over 400 responses from individuals, ages 17 through 94, around the United States. Their replies offer thoughtful reflections and often intimate, sometimes painful, glimpses into personal lives. Quite a few said they learned about sex "the hard way" from being abused as a child.

Tragically, we also found that what you learn or don't learn as a young person can have life-long repercussions. Abstinence-only programs intentionally leave out important health information.

Sex and poverty

Former Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders addressed RCRC’s annual National Black Religious Summit on Sexuality. She succinctly described the linkage between sex and poverty.

"Our problem with sexuality has contributed more to the poverty in the black community than anything else in our society,” said Dr. Elders. “A pregnant teenager who does not finish high school or marry has an 80% likelihood of being poor.”

In 2006 the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancies reported more details about the generational impact of teen pregnancy:

It is the poor and communities of color that suffer from illogical, ineffective public policy. A low-income woman is four times as likely to have an unintended pregnancy and five times as likely to have an unintended birth as her higher-income counterpart.

Sacred texts across many faith traditions, including Hebrew and Christian, tell the faithful they will be judged on how they treat the poor, the marginalized and the oppressed. The prophet Ezekiel, for example, proclaims in Chapter 16, verse 49: “This was the guilt of your sister Sodom; she and her daughters had pride, excess of food, and prosperous ease, but did not aid the poor and needy.” Neither clergy nor laity can continue to simply bury our heads in the sand and hope these tragic lives will disappear.

People of faith engaged in the world

Recently, the Responsible Education About Life (REAL) Act was reintroduced in the U.S. Congress. The REAL Act would establish the first dedicated federal funding stream for comprehensive sex education. It is important to note that comprehensive sex education not only stresses the value of abstinence, but also provides medically accurate information on forms of birth control crucial to health and safety.

Major faith traditions representing millions of Americans support comprehensive sexuality education. In keeping with the U.S.’s Constitutional guarantee of freedom of religion, they oppose civil laws that would impose specific religious views about sexuality education.

These faith communities take seriously their duty to instill a set of religious, moral values that will help guide young people to responsible, ethical life choices. They believe it is the role of government to ensure that the nation's youths receive facts, unblemished by ideology, that will protect them from disease and unintended pregnancy.

The United Methodist Church in its Social Principles declares:

The Church should support the family in providing age-appropriate education regarding sexuality to children, youths and adults. (¶161F “Human Sexuality,” 2008 Book of Discipline)

All children have the right to quality education, including full sex education appropriate to their stage of development that utilizes the best educational techniques and insights. Christian parents and guardians and the Church have the responsibility to ensure that children receive sex education consistent with Christian morality, including faithfulness in marriage and abstinence in singleness. (¶162C “Rights of Children,” 2008 Book of Discipline)

The answer to the nation's high rate of unintended pregnancies and pandemic of sexually transmitted diseases cannot rest with houses of worship and non-profit organizations alone. While communities of faith must play a vital role in teaching values and ethical decision-making, public schools must be part of the solution.

Vows of abstinence break more easily than latex condoms.

We are morally compelled to empower our young people so they are equipped with the tools necessary to face the environment in which we live. As Dr. Elders so succinctly stated, "Vows of abstinence break more easily than latex condoms."

It is the role of government to ensure that the nation's youths receive the facts, unblemished by parochial beliefs, that will protect them from disease and unintended pregnancy. I am sure we can agree that we want all our young people to be safe.

When I hear the words of Jesus in Matthew 19:13-14 chiding the disciples for forbidding the little children to come to him, I see the faces of so many youths from my congregations past and present. My faith and love of Christ compel me to do all humanly possible to promote their spiritual, emotional and physical growth and safety. I hope all young people would remain abstinent, but my years in the ministry have seen this hope thwarted repeatedly.

I therefore implore you to join me and millions of faithful believers across this country and:

1. Oppose any funding for abstinence-only programs; and
2. Support the Responsible Education about Life (REAL) Act.

Discussion questions

1. If there is not 100% universal agreement on the definition of abstinence, what foundational principles and values can religious leaders instill in today's teens?
2. Opponents of comprehensive sex education say that talking about proper birth control methods is tantamount to providing a license for promiscuity. Critics contend that line of reasoning is like saying "because I carry an umbrella it is going to rain." Given the complexities of sex education in our communities, what theological and spiritual issues arise in the context of this discussion?
3. A recent report from the Centers for Disease Control found that 1 in 20 people in Washington, D.C., is living with HIV/AIDS, a rate that far exceeds the pandemic in some African countries. Do religious leaders and people of faith have a moral obligation to not only stress abstinence, but also provide all the medically accurate information necessary to curb this pandemic?
4. How can faith communities create sacred spaces to have open, honest discussion of human sexuality and the responsibilities of sexual behavior?

Editor’s note: The Rev. Steven Baines is Director of Interfaith Outreach at the Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice.

Steven Baines

RCRC brings the power of religious communities to ensure reproductive choice through education and advocacy. Its member organizations are religiously and theologically diverse, but are unified in a commitment to preserve reproductive choice as a basic part of religious liberty. The United Methodist General Board of Church & Society and the Women’s Division of the General Board of Global Ministries are founding members of RCRC.

Before coming to RCRC, Baines served eight years in the same capacity at People for the American Way. He has also served as executive directors for Equal Partners in Faith, a national interfaith organization committed to fighting racism, sexism and homophobia, and AFFIRM Youth, a social service organization in Upstate South Carolina.

Baines has served as both senior pastor and associate in Southern Baptist churches in North and South Carolina. He graduated from Furman University in Greenville, S.C., with a degree in religious studies and later attended Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary in Wake Forest, N.C. Now affiliated with the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ), he serves as the Chair of Elders at the denomination’s national cathedral, National City Christian Church.

Baines is a national spokesperson on issues of faith and politics and has been featured on CNN, CSPAN, Court TV and numerous syndicated radio programs.

This article is one of an ongoing series. An overview and other articles are available on the General Board of Church & Society website at Sex and the Church.

Other articles in the series are